Hi all, for those of you who care — I took down old posts, because let’s be honest. My blogging is half-assed. It kind of speaks to the idea that the form shapes content. Having a Wordpress-based site led me to feel like I need to create content, but I am still actually figuring out what the purpose/feel/content/direction of a site like this is. Let it be a static placeholder for bio & films? Or, re-think everything: life, vision, etc. — and then restructure the site so that it works w/in that paradigm?

Also, there is the whole issue of private/public. For an artist, is everything both private & public? Where is the line here, when in life that line evades you & necessarily and/or desirably and/or confusingly so? Solitude that pervades every moment. How to retain THIS, and still share your life, thoughts, heart, with others. This is perhaps not just a conundrum for the private artist but any introspective person. But, for someone in the creative role/industries, for someone who makes & for whom making is directly connected to the heart & spirit, how to walk this line?

SO. Blogging. What is it? What is the purpose? Who cares? Who reads? Who feels, what penetrates the heart, and why should I aim for what I say to do that? In this world of constant self-exhibiting, talking without thinking, acting by rote, why should I aim to put out something that I believe is authentic? How much of that is veiled in the protection of digital space, of me sitting at my computer typing while you read at yours? How much would I actually want to talk to YOU or you to ME?

It feels damaging to bare oneself. The desert fathers & mothers in the early centuries B.C. withdrew from the world. They left everything. Blogging is so often about saying “This is Me,” it is words. And words lie. Words get old. Why are you reading this? Why am I writing it?

But in spite of it all, I suppose that at heart I do believe. In connection, in expression, in discovery. But so much of that means the opposite of building up. The opposite of building oneself up, of empire. It means, actually, letting go.

What does this have to do w/ blogging & this site? I find it silly that I have an email address with my name at my fullname dot com. Hilarious! Ridiculous.

Simplicity. A distilled thought. A thoughtful word. Or, a loose flow of words such as this.

All men are like grass. We are a mist. A breath. In, out, we are gone. And in that breath: ______?_______.

And I do, I still must believe. That in spite of the over-saturation of images, words, noise. In spite of apathy, numbness, dull minds, armored hearts: I must, I must, I must — try. To create, to live, to connect, to feel, to love. In spite of my own flaws, of my shortcoming in creating, living, connecting, feeling, and loving as I imagine I might heroically do. What is paltry: a penny offered at the temple, an apology, falling on your knees, or simply falling. These in fact are the seeds for acts of creation, renewal; humility, rebirth. And believe it or not, a moving forward in the direction of light & life — all within this momentary breath.